We are not happy Pundits. Though we've managed to keep a wry smile on for almost all of American Idol Season 9, we have been crying on the inside as we watched our beloved program deteriorate week by week like a new bag of Sun Chips. In this light, we've decided to cancel all live-tweeting and predicting forthwith. We still stand by Crystal Bowersox as the eventual winner, but if a "talent" like Lee DeWyze can make it to the top 3, then the show is obviously in a precipitous decline from which it will never recover. RIP American Idol, we'll pour one on the curb for you.

But we will not go gently into that goodnight! Nay, we intend to go down guns blazing! With our dying breath, we curse Lee DeWyze! FROM HELL'S HEART, I STAB AT LEE! 

Honestly, we've had enough. Somehow, a moderately talented paint salesman with a personality that matches what he peddles has developed a large fan base and is threatening to make it into the finale of American Idol Season 9. We here at Idol Pundits, have had enough. We've had enough of his Creed-esque, "oh so gravelly" vocals, his sleep inducing video segments, and his uncanny and irritating ability to defy our prophecies. We are but two men, standing against an army of brainwashed Kris Allenites who are willing to vote for this two-bit knock-off. So we here at Idol Pundits write this message as a distress beacon:

Please, if you can read this, don't vote for Lee DeWyze. If you are so bold, and not lazy, vote for Crystal Bowersox and Casey James to seal the deal.
    
Lee, like the paint he pushes, is a stain waiting to happen, and he threatens the beautiful tapestry that Season 9 has woven for us. A Crysal vs. Casey finale would be so much better than anything involving three doses of Lee, that we are compelled to compel you, our loyal fans, to vote against this soporific monstrosity. We thought that Simon leaving was going to be the worst part of this, the potentially last watchable season of American Idol, but now a more immediate threat looms. If Lee is allowed into the top 2, American Idol will be so boring that it will implode in on itself and create a black hole of ennui. As badly as we want to be right about Crystal being the champ, we'd still like to see a showdown in the finale for the sake of entertainment, and only Casey can offer a challenge in that department. We shouldn't even have to scare you with the slim possibility of Lee DeWyze *shudder* winning. This is a cause that we can all agree on. Idol Pundits Nation, STOP LEE DEWYZE!      

Live tonight on Twitter, the Idol Pundits will await the results and send a little punditry your way during American Idol Season 9: One of Four Voted Off

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Same punditry, same hilarity, just arriving a little sooner.


Tonight: The final four, will be no more. We lose yet another contestant as we get that much closer to crowning our season 9 champion, Crystal Bowersox. Though the king of Cool, Casey James, had a rough night, we're pulling for him, and hope to be saying our Lee GoodByze at the end of tonight's show. But before that joyous moment when we finally bid farewell to the most boring "entertainer" in America, we must endure Bon Jovi and Jamie Foxx's auto-tuned shenanigans. Chris Daughtry will take the stage tonight as well, which is pretty ironic given that he's arguably the most successful non-winner in Idol history (one could argue for Jennifer Hudson) and was voted off in 4th place. Are they trying to tell tonight's loser that everything is gonna be OK? It would be doubly appropriate if Lee is in fact shown the door, since he is essentially the second coming of Daughtry, minus the personality. Join the live on Twitter at 9pm EST as we anxiously await the Lee DeMyze*.

*censorship and character restrictions may apply, tune in later in the week for our full thoughts. 

The Top 4 went to the movies tonight with mentor Jamie Foxx, but the performances were pretty lackluster. Going into the week, we Pundits figured that either Casey or Lee had to go. It's time to choose your male guitarist, America. Do you want the dark-haired shy-guy with a grating gravelly voice, or the one who's blond, cool and remarkably inconsistent? Anyway, here's how the Pundits think the Top 4 stacked up:

The Best:

1. Crystal Bowersox - Yet again, Crystal performed with a professional glaze that was obviously lacking in the other contestants. She wasn't particularly fantastic, but god dammit if she's not the best.  

The Rest:

2. Casey James - His first performance was pretty meh, but he kicked so much ass in his duet that we refuse to send him home. Plus, if he can survive last week's debacle, he must have a guardian angel with unlimited texting. 

The Bottom TWO:

3. Michael Lynche - He only sounded good in the duet because of Casey's awesome guitar licks, but he did sing Michael Jackson in his solo performance, so we have a hard time imagining him being sent off. Just mentioning MJ was enough to squeak Paige Miles into the top 12.
4. Lee DeWyze* - The time has come for the Lee DeMyze. His "Kiss from a Rose" rendition fell flat, and he was outsung in his duet by the vastly superior Bowersox. Dudes with guitars on American Idol are like Highlander. THERE CAN BE...ONLY ONE! (It's Casey)

*Going Home. The Pundits have spoken.

Live tonight on Twitter, the Idol Pundits offer up their very best punditry during American Idol Season 9: Top 4 Perform.

Follow Us @: http://twitter.com/IdolPundits
Same punditry, same hilarity, just arriving a little sooner.


Tonight: The Top 4 take the stage as both scrappy soloists and dueling duets singing songs of the cinema. Their mentor will be an Idol Pundits favorite from last year, Jamie Foxx, and we are very excited to have him back on the show; the man is just a pure entertainer right down to the core. As for the contestants, Crystal Bowersox and Lee Dewyze comprise one of the duets, and Big Mike Lynche/Casey James are the other. We've only seen this duet format once before in Idol, but those juxtapositions were a potent polarizer that greatly informed the Idol Nation and its Pundits. Getting out-shined tonight is a sure-fire way to get sent off. Who will glimmer in the shared spotlight? Join the Idol Pundits on Twitter live at 8pm EST for the best American Idol Punditry* that money doesn't have to buy. (It's priceless).

*censorship and character restrictions may apply, tune in later in the week for our full thoughts. 

The Top 5 took on Frank Sinatra, and this Musical Mt. Everest claimed the life of one of our more promising contestants. The rest battled bravely, and earned the accolades of the judges, leaving the one bad apple all the more apparent. Without much further ado, we present the Idol Pundits' ranking of the American Idol Season 9 Top 5:

The Best:

1. Michael Lynche - Mike totally smashed it tonight. He showed the other boys about Sinatra swagger without even flirting with his inner circus-bear. The judge's save has proven to be a useful addition. Too bad Idol is in a death spiral. Cheers! 

The Rest:

2. Lee DeWyze - Another excellent performance from shy-guy Lee DeWyze. He has a lot of fans and just keeps getting more, plus he Judges are practically thrusting him down victory lane. He won't go home tomorrow.
3. Crystal Bowersox - Crystal was Crystal tonight in terms of pure talents, but showed us another side of herself. It wasn't mind-blowing, but she essentially has a free pass to the finale so we're assuming that she's just testing the waters and abusing her wiggle room.

The Bottom TWO:

4. Aaron Kelly - Dude was good. He wasn't supposed to be good tonight, but the dude was good. If he wasn't even in the bottom 3 last week there's no way I can send him home now. Unless people vote completely off-base with the performances, he'll be safe.
5. Casey James* - Casey! Come on, man! You really laid an egg up there tonight. Your only hope is that people vote for you like crazy out of fear, but the Idol Nation has been fickle in Season 9 and so you might be tossed away in favor a younger model. Good luck!

*Going Home. The Pundits have spoken.

Live tonight on Twitter, the Idol Pundits will make the most pointed observations in the history of the Twitterverse during American Idol Season 9: Top 5 Perform.

Follow Us @: http://twitter.com/IdolPundits
Same punditry, same hilarity, just arriving a little sooner.


Tonight: The Mighty Magnus has fallen, and now as the sole remaining female in the competition, our predicted winner, Crystal Bowersox, must take on Frank Sinatra theme week. Some other people will sing too, I guess. Whatever. The top 5 (aka the top 1 and the the bottom 4) take the stage tonight in what will likely be the last 1-shot performance episode of Season 9. Though everyone who makes it through this week will get at least two more chances to sing for us, tonight will be the last cry for one of our finalists. Last week no one was bad, and it was country-themed, so tonight's show should be one for the record books. We're way past the "singing competition," and the popularity contest is on. Join the Pundits live at 8pm EST as we snap along with the Chairman of the Board and see if we can't tell who'll be rubbed out tomorrow night*.

*censorship and character restrictions may apply, tune in later in the week for our full thoughts.   

The top 6 went country tonight courtesy of the Shania Twain songbook. No one was particularly terrible, as was expected of this overall solid group of singers. Though not much separated the best from the worst, it is the Idol Pundits' duty to rank and file the talented sextet. Here's how we think they stacked up:  

The Best:

1. Casey James - Tonight Casey proved that Crystal isn't the only blond guitarist with a shot at taking home the title this season. Very impressive vocally, and his golden halo glow will continue to melt hearts week after week.

The Rest:

2. Aaron Kelly - This was Aaron's wheelhouse week, and he did not disappoint. Plus, he was singing for his mom, and Simon called him a new man. Oh yeah, he was also labeled as the country artist of season 9. Safe much?
3. Crystal Bowersox - Crystal was far from her best tonight, but even so she outshined much of the competition. She's just very clearly the best, so it's disappointing when she doesn't completely blow us away.

TheBottom Three:

4. Michael Lynche - Michael's performance was indeed a bit "wet" tonight, but that mild schmaltziness has always been part of his charm. Vocally he was superb. 
5. Siobhan Magnus - The judges loved it, and maybe country fans will too, but this pundit was not feeling it from Siobhan tonight. She also put herself at major risk by trying to leap from the weirdo niche demographic into Country country. Will she land safely? We can only hope.
6. Lee DeWyze* - Lee wasn't AWFUL tonight, but he wasn't good by any means. His gravelly voice is getting old, and if it weren't for the fact that he sang the only song I recognized tonight then I would have absolutely no qualms about sending him off. But, if anyone deserves to go home, and we all know someone has to, it's gotta be Lee.

*Going Home. The Pundits have spoken.

Live tonight on Twitter, the Idol Pundits will put the pun back in punditry during American Idol Season 9: Top 6 Performances

Follow Us @: http://twitter.com/IdolPundits
Same punditry, same hilarity, just arriving a little sooner.


Tonight: With the elimination of Tim Urban, aka "The Adorable Cockroach," aka "Sanjaya II: The Malaking," the remaining 6 contestants have lost their final buffer from elimination. For weeks, one could safely say, "There's no way (insert your favorite contestant here) is going home before (Lacey/Didi/Katie/Tim)." But with Tim's departure, the bottom of the top 12 totem pole has become nebulous indeed, and just about anyone (except Crystal Bowersox) could go home tomorrow if they have a bad night. The judge's save is gone too, which means the top 6 are truly performing without a safety net. Tonight they tackle possibly the most obscure theme in American Idol history: The Shania Twain Songbook. We Pundits have no idea what to expect tonight since JZ can't name a single Shania song off the top of his head (let alone distinguish her completely from Sheryl Crow), but what we do know is that when Idol goes country, disaster inevitably looms. Not everyone was built to twang, and the results can be tragically hilarious. Unfortunately, even "good" country is usually pretty grating, but we Pundits will suffer through it nonetheless. Join us live on Twitter at 8pm EST as we vent our frustrations and maybe throw in a few prognostications*.

*censorship and character restrictions may apply, tune in later in the week for our full thoughts. 

This was a tough one for JZ and I tonight. We are generally underwhelmed by "Inspiration Tuesday," despite the addition of the delicious Alicia Keys. We did not find the contestants to be inspired. Mama Sox continues to roll, but no one else found their stride tonight. That being said, Pundits press on, and we think we figured it out tonight.

On another note, some of our readers may be disappointed to find that we will NOT be live-tweeting tomorrow night's "Idol Gives Back" debacle. Do you really want us to mock Haiti? Drag starving, homely children through the mud for cheap laughs? We won't act like this is beneath us, but there's like a 50% chance of a huge incident when we take on topics like this. Besides, we hate Idol cares. That it's hypocritical nonsense is self-evident. So while Idol Gives Back, the Pundits Give Up.

Without further ado, the rankings:

The Best

1) Crystal Bowersox - And it wasn't close. Can't wait to hear the music she comes out with when she's off the show.

The Rest

2) Aaron Kelly - The judges were right to temper their praise, but it was a song everyone loves sung by a kid everyone loves.

3) Lee Dewyze - I hated this performance, but the judges stroked him off and that will be enough this week.

4) Siobhan Magnus - ...is going home soon. It will be sad. The judges will act surprised. But the fact is, she lost whatever niche she had and can't find it. Sometimes being the best singer (by far) is not enough. Also See: Doolittle, Melinda.

Bottom 3

5) Casey James - Not a very memorable performance and he got the kiss of death of going first. I don't have a problem with his song choice in the abstract, but Casey should know you need to be loud and proud when you're first up to avoid dire consequences.

6) Tim Urban - Tim was obviously very bad tonight. But both JZ and I had our pundit-senses tingling, telling us it was not his time, and when the secret oracles we consult in our minds converge, we know we cannot be wrong. Get ready for more Sanjaya II next week.

7) Mike Lynche - I'll be watching Mike go home with bells on because I've hated him from the start. There's no doubt he's had some colossal weeks on Idol, outsinging his opponents and proving that he's got the voice to be successful. But a 300 pound hairless black man singing Nickelback is stupid. It's been stupid all 1 times it's been tried. I hope to never see it again, and to never see Big Mike again either. Besides, he needs to get back home, he just had a fucking kid. Have some decency, America.*

*Going Home. The Pundits Have Spoken.